I have been through a few relationships that were not healthy, I have had relationships that were abusive and have caused PTSD among other issues. Issues that I am still battling today.
Finding someone who not only listens but can level with you, maybe not fully understand but can understand enough to help you work through things and not push things down. When you find that someone, your person, no matter how bad things get or how dark your mental health gets they are there with a ladder.
I never thought I would find a healthy truly healthy relationship. I had all but given up on finding genuine happiness and love. I have had love but there had been many strings, there was control and continuous arguments over small things. There was a lack of trust both earned and not earned on both sides. My walls went up and I had checked out, resigned to the fact that it was as happy as I would get. Maybe it was what I deserved.
I did something completely out of character now twice in my life. The second time allowing myself a clean slate to figure out myself, figure out who I needed to be for me. Who did I have in my corner, who truly had my best interests at heart. Before I left my last relationship I had checked out a while prior to me leaving because of the situation. Though I cared, deeply cared for the person. It wasn’t healthy for either one of us.
I got out in a somewhat harsh way I’ll admit it, but knowing myself it was the only way I could get out without being riddled with guilt and letting emotions get in the way and allow myself to second guess because it was comfortable.
Shortly after getting out, I accepted that I would be single, and I began to figure out how to be single and what that meant for someone who had dreamed of being a wife and mother most of her life.
Having given up and resigned to figured myself out and sorting out how to be single in todays world, I was swept off my feet. The story is funny but the gist of it is my 17yr old little sister had to inform me that I was being flirted with. It is something we still laugh about. It took a couple months getting to know each other but to quote Ann of Green Gables, I have found my kindred spirit. My person. Someone who I can always be completely myself around, someone who encourages me and is helping me work through my issues and mental blocks. Someone who supports me and makes sure that I work on what needs to be worked on. Even when I am in a low point or mood, he can still make me smile and laugh.
Now, this love and support goes both ways, I do everything I can to be there for him as well. We are a team, completely equal. However, when I can only give 20% he gives the other 80% and vice versa. We don’t yell and scream, we talk and discuss. We can level with each other though we are still learning about each other, and will continue to. There is something just so easy and natural. I highly recommend finding a relationship where there are no games. We tease and joke but we don’t play or toy with each other’s heads or emotions. We both know that times will get tough and it wont always be super amazing, we are actually going through a rough time right now but our relationship is solid. Circumstances are what are rough, but every day we check in with each other.
I might not be a relationship expert, but I am learning what true stringless love and support are and I couldn’t be happier. It is amazing to feel this way about someone knowing that no matter what mood I’m in or what issues I’m dealing with, I have a partner who will help me and carry me when needed.
Sorry for the rambling! Hopefully there is some valuable information in there for you, or at least inspiring or encouraging. I truly believe that in the right time you will find your person. I thought by this age I would be a wife and mother of a few kids. However, my journey is different. I have accepted that and if I had known who would be in my life, how it would feel…I would have gladly waited.